I wish that I were more disciplined. For instance, I am excellent at creating schedules - for myself and others - but I have such incredible difficulty holding myself to them!
For some reason I never want to do what I should do, and always want to do what I don't need to - for instance, even though a year and a half ago I couldn't torture myself into doing my homework for my chemistry class, now that it isn't part of my coursework I would gladly abandon my current phonetics homework to delve into the very same chemistry I so hated before! It's insane!
How can I become more disciplined? Is it even a matter of discipline? My inclination right now is that it is.
If it isn't a matter of discipline, then what is it? In the past I have attributed this strange behavior to my personal desires, in that if I didn't want to do something it must not be what I should be doing, what I really wanted. I would find the path of least resistance, the route that offered the least pain and the most gratification. Is that just a prolonged version of procrastination on a larger scale? Am I really just lazy? If this is what it is, then looking back on my life is depressing, and hurts.
If it isn't that, then what is it? Is it that I'm autodidactic? The only time I truly learn things is on my own without an instructor giving formal classes? That seems a bit more reasonable than the above alternative, but it still doesn't satisfy. If that's the way it has to be, then how does someone like me hack through life when formal education is practically a prerequisite for success?
I wish I were just more disciplined, bottom line.
No comments:
Post a Comment