Free Post #1 - The Bond Tractor Pull Part 1

Because of recent classroom discussion, I have decided to construct a poem - an epic poem, if you will - about an imaginary tractor pulling event featuring the six actors who have portrayed James Bond in film. Wouldn't you just die to be there in person? Unfortunately, it would be an invitation only type of thing, and we are left with only words and imagination to describe the exact happenings. In order to understand the concept of the great sport of the tractor pull, one must also familiarize oneself with the common terms associated with the execution of the event.

Tractors pull a sled (the apparatus providing simulated "weight" behind the tractor, done by shifting weights of up to 65,000 pounds to the front and causing the front end to dig in and create an increasing amount of friction). That's actually all the terminology that one would need to know.

Here we go.

Five muddy tracks are laid out in the dirt,
Awaiting the coming of the world's slickest flirt.

Only this time it's not only one but all six,
All the James Bonds will be tossed in the mix.

Each sidles up to his rig with no fear,
Though to each of his foes' comments he calmly gives ear.

"Hey George!" taunts Roger "What're you riding, a Deere?"
"Can't touch me" he quips back, "You box-office jeer!"

Sean, getting old and now sporting white hair,
Just points over at Dalton and laughs without care,

"You and the rest are all phonies and tots,
Everyone knows Bond's really a Scot!"

"Hmmph" grumbled Brosnan as he straightened his tie,
"You all are dressed like I want to 'live and let die.'"

They all noticed then they were short just one man.
'Twas young Dan - surnamed Craig - always perfectly tan.

"Hi fellas," he said as he mounted his ride,
"Name's Craig, the new Bond, and I'm all bonafide."

"Too tall," muttered Dalton, who'd now seen his fill,
"I wish that I still had my "license to kill.'"

Roger leaned over, said to Sean with a grin,
"The two of us each had more women than him!"

Sean gravely nodded, and stroked his white beard,
"A nancy, I'll grant, but his tractor's to be feared,"

"He's a blond!" snorted Pierce, his hair neatly tame,
"How they named him a Bond simply defames the name!"

TO BE CONTINUED...